Tip! Getting the house in the divorce is not always a good deal. Women often want the house in the divorce because they are raising a family in it or have decorated it and are emotionally attached to the property.

When you think about the Boy Scouts, the image that comes to mind
are a bunch of clean cut, family oriented, Beaver Cleaver type
young men, helping old ladies across the street.

So what in the world can these “God, Family and Country” valuing
young men teach women about the divorce process?

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The answer is simple.

There is a nugget of wisdom that these young men live by, that
women should take to heart when faced with the possibility of an
approaching divorce.

That nugget of wisdom is found in the Boy Scout motto?

Be Prepared.

For the Boy Scouts, “being prepared” can mean, being prepared to
help out in a medical emergency by knowing first aid and CPR. It
can mean, being prepared in the wilderness while hiking or
camping by bring the right equipment and supplies. Or it can
even mean being better prepared for life’s challenges by learning
positive life skills and developing strong values while they are
still young.

But for women facing the break-up of their marriage and families,
“being prepared” is of particular importance.

Far too often, women are blindsided by a divorce request and find
themselves completely unprepared.

Gaining a favorable outcome in a divorce is won or lost long
before your day in court. In most cases it is won or lost even
before the word divorce is first mentioned.

Tip! Lack of faith in yourself and your future. Divorce is bad but it is not the end of the world! You may have some tough times but your life will go on and it may be a blessed life.

So how can women follow this advice and begin to “Be Prepared”?

There are several things that you can do?

When your husband tries to hide marital assets or income sources
to prevent you from getting everything you are entitled to?

Be prepared.

Be prepared by becoming informed and knowledgeable about your
family finances and securing copies of all important documents
before hand.

If your husband has shown a pattern of physical or mental abuse
towards you or your children?

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Be prepared.

Be prepared by documenting each and every incident of abusive
behavior, either in a personal journal or better yet, by law
enforcement, medical or professional records.

Once your divorce is finalized, you will need the job and
employment skills to survive (and thrive) on your own. So?

Be prepared.

Be prepared by taking classes, doing volunteer work to build
needed skills and experience and polishing up your resume, while
you are still marred.

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There are many, many steps that you need to take to “be
prepared”. But if you adopt the Boy Scout motto of “be prepared”
as you begin to protect yourself and your children from a pending
divorce, your final outcome will be far better.

If you would like even more ways to “Be Prepared” then you should
get the book, “Divorce Secrets: What Every Woman Should Know”.

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This book will show you step by step the exact plan my good friend Cathi Adams

used to “be prepared” for her own divorce and how you can too.

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Tip! Buy books on Divorce. Generic divorce books are a good start and will give you a good overview.

A matrimonial divorce settlement is NOT an exact science. If a financial divorce settlement was a straight mathematical equation, we wouldn’t need courts and lawyers to resolve matters. Courts are usually required, under Family Law legislation, to take into account a range of factors in deciding who gets what. Too many women settle for a 50% split of the matrimonial property WITHOUT taking into account matters such as significant disparities between what your husband earns and your own weekly /monthly income and any restrictions your age or health might have on your capacity to earn income.

Tip! Take concrete steps to safeguard your assets before you and your spouse begin discussing divorce.

Another mistake is letting the other spouse retain the matrimonial home EVEN IF you have the ability to buy him out. Real estate property has a habit of increasing in value without you having to do anything. If you pass this up and your spouse pays you out then the problem often is that you don’t then have enough money to purchase a property of your own. Deposits, stamp duty, legal fees etc. can put buying another home out of your reach. You’re left paying out dead money in rent.

While not as common a mistake, some women will seek to keep the matrimonial home when they really CAN’T afford to financially. If buying out your husband’s share in the house is going to involve you taking out a big loan, you need to factor in the monthly loan repayments PLUS outgoings such as rates, building insurance, public liability insurance and general maintenance costs. Only then will you know whether or not you can actually afford to keep the house.

Tip! Lack of faith in yourself and your future. Divorce is bad but it is not the end of the world! You may have some tough times but your life will go on and it may be a blessed life.

Failing to take other matters such as alimony and child support into consideration BEFORE agreeing on a division of the matrimonial property is another problem. These are NOT matters that should be dealt with in isolation.

It is the current value of property that is taken into account - not replacement value. This means that if the family car is worth $10,000, it is often better to keep it. Too many women find themselves needing a vehicle to get the kids to and from school, football training etc. and having to spend twice what the family car was worth just to replace it. The same mistake is sometimes made when it comes to the marital furniture and effects. They are usually secondhand (even if only recently purchased) and therefore are not worth a lot of money. For example, the fridge that you paid $1,000 for new may now only worth a few hundred dollars. Keeing the bulk of the furniture (if it is in good condition) will avoid you having to pay a lot more money to replace it.

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Property settlements may sometimes be amicable but this does not mean they are fair. Do not accept the inflated financial values your husband is likely to put on property that you want to keep and the low value he’s likely to put on any property he actually wants to keep.

It is surprising to find women (and sometimes men) arguing over the little things. By this I mean, fighting for items of little financial worth. It’s pointless paying hundreds of dollars in legal fees disputing who is going to get a $50 wedding vase or a $150 stamp collection.

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Another mistake is overlooking other assets such as boats, trailers, machinery, pensions, retirement funds, stocks, shares and life insurance as matrimonial property and/or financial resources.

Too many women believe that if they go “soft” on their property settlement entitlements, their husband will be easier to deal with as regards the children. This approach rarely produces the desired result. The only real outcome usually is that your spouse perceives you to be weak.

Another very common mistake is seeking divorce financial planning advice from a lawyer instead of a financial planner. What do lawyers know about financial planning?

Tip! You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be taken lightly so you avoid that ‘potential’ outcome by doing nothing.

Some women get sucked into believing that by reaching an informal agreement with their husband that is legally binding. It isn’t - even if it’s written down and both parties have signed it.

Finally, too many women simply give in to their husband because that’s what they’ve always done. Now is the time to stand up for your self. You are facing separation and divorce, which means that more than ever before, you need to be primarily concerned with your financial future!

? Barry J. Roche

Barry Roche the author of the ebook, “How To Win When Facing Divorce”. He is a former Divorce Lawyer who wrote this book specially for women - available at http://www.divorceandwomen.com/help.html

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Tip! I have been divorced at least 6 months, or separated more than 1 year. 2.

If you have exhausted every possible way to save your marriage then understanding your options for legally ending your relationship is your reward.

Do you litigate, mediate, arbitrate, or collaborate? What’s the difference between a divorce and dissolution? Choosing the right approach could save you thousands.

When speaking with a family law attorney, consider the options:

Litigation: With your attorney as your advocate, the magistrate or judge decides the outcome unless a settlement agreement is reached prior to trial.
Mediation: With the help of a mediator you and your husband determine the issues, such as how to divide assets, spousal support, visitation and child care. The recommendations of a mediator are not binding and the attorneys may suggest changes.
Arbitration: A third person, typically an attorney or a judge, determines the issues in your case in a private proceeding. This decision is binding in a court of law.
Dissolution: You and your husband decide all the issues and your attorneys draft the documents for a judge to approve.
Collaborative law: You and your husband contract with your attorneys to negotiate an agreement to dissolve your marriage without litigation. If no agreement can be reached, you must hire another attorney who will file a civil suit for divorce.

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The way to handle your case depends on several variables, such as the extent of your assets, the integrity of you and your spouse, the importance of privacy, your financial ability to pay for time spent bantering in the legal system, whether abuse is an issue, the importance of expediting your case and if recourse or enforcement of court orders might be relevant.

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Whether you dissolve your marriage amicably or file suit for divorce, the result is the same: your marriage has ended. While considering your options, remember that the communication challenges and issues that were present in your marriage will likely still exist during your divorce.

Cindy Hide, Esq. is a family law attorney in Houston, Texas, and Founder of Divorce Education for Women and author of 7 Steps to Divorcing Wisely: Do I Stay or Do I Leave?: A woman’s guide to pray, pause and ponder… She offers seminars, FREE e-tips, telephone life coaching, a Professional Directory and an on-line bookstore to empower women in relationship transition. Visit http://www.DivorceEducationForWomen.com or call 713.599.0065.

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